my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
