So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Life is so much better after having sex.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Randomize
