going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
