i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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