3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
