he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
