Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
