My hand turned me down
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
