I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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