Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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