theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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