did you get engaged???
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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