remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
