She is in my trunk
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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