don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
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I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
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DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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