hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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