I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
