the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
