I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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