He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
