I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
