Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
