My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
A+ Viking dick
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
