um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
