he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
