i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
