I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
