We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you didnt know i had herpes?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
