some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's not a walk of shame if you run
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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