You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
