Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I want her autograph on my taint
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize