The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Your cock deserves a montage
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
