How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I don't deserve a penis
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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