what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
