I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I need to calm my uterus...
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