He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
