I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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