adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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