Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
