Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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