I wanna bring you to show and tell
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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