i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
