My brain says no but my pants say off.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
it's like heaven, but drunker
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
