Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
