My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
