i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
