Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You may now shotgun with the bride
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
