I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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