I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
