the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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