just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
