WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
