I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
