you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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