need another drink. this is the easiest way
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
