I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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