The maid of honor just puked.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
