did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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