I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
