nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
whose parrot is this?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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