Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I have tasted many bathrooms
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
