i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
