I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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