I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
