he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
