I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
