i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
