I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
