my mouth tastes like poor choices
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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