I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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