Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Nobody cheats on THIS.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
