either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
