We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
