He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
