I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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