why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
