So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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