I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
