I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Every concussion has its silver lining
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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