I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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