Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
