I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
