oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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